Today marks my first year anniversary in Vancouver, my new home. Although, considering I’ve moved in the midst of a pandemic and its ensuing restrictions, I’ve been confronted with the feeling and meaning of home here. Many people have asked me how I can deal with being so far away from “home” as my parents now live on the opposite end of the country in PEI. But the truth is, PEI was only home to me for a few years. And then before that it was a number of apartments and living situations in Toronto, New York, and Florence. So what is home?
I’ve realized that…it doesn’t matter where I am in the world…who I’m with…I’m already home.
Because I am my own home.
When we think a “place” defines where we feel safe and happy, we give up our sense of sovereignty and ability to feel security on our own. We create separateness and disconnection from ourselves. Of course positive memories and healthy relationships make a place FEEL like home. But if we don’t believe we can create those same feelings no matter where we are, we will always feel a little adrift, and long for some place that, in fact, can be right here, no matter where you are or who you’re with.
Home is where we feel most like ourselves. Where we feel comfortable and cozy and joyful and safe. And the cool thing is, you can take those feelings with you wherever you go because you’re your own home. You’re already there. And when you realize this, nothing can shake you because you have built your foundation. You know what makes you feel loved and warm. You know that you can depend on you — and no one can ever take that away from you.
I think I’ve been able to carry that feeling with me wherever I’ve lived because I’ve always known that I’m already home. Even when I lived in a tiny dorm or a dinky room with three roommates, every place felt like home to me, and not just because I’ve a magic touch for cozy decorating (hi Taurus moon) but because I felt at home with me.
So, if you ever feel a longing for a place or feel out of place, know that home is wherever and however you make it, because you’re already home. 🏡 💕
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